We all know it, just when we need to be in a completely zen-like state, all hell breaks loose and 50 million things need to be done at once. You start to get those super tight muscles in the back of your neck- you start to breath heavier, you start to worry. It will never get done. There is no way.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I have had a lot going on and needed a way out. I was 10 feet under and digging with no sign of light or air. So, after some lengthy discussions with numerous folks and with the support of Andrew, I have gotten myself into a much more agreeable situation.
- We hired movers. We no longer needed to put our not so springy bodies through the ringer to try and get all this stuff moved from our apartment to our house.
- Calculus. In light of the AS flare-ups and the fact that my Calc prof fell behind grading my assignments, he granted me an extension to May 2, 2012. Awesome.
- Classes. After a lot of thought and albeit, a bit of defeat, I decided not to take courses this semester. I have 5 years to finish my Masters anyway, so why cram it all in at a time when I feel physically torn apart and mentally demolished? This will give me time to finish Calculus, move, and get the right combo of drugs!
We still need to unpack everything and we still need to find a subletter, but we are going in the right direction and all in all I am feeling pretty good. Stress is there but not overwhelming. Running helps a lot with it. Now if I could only get my blood pressure down and my heartburn gone!
I. am. utterly. worn. out. I don’t know what’s gotten into me this past week or so, but I am exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. I drink coffee in the morning and then a glass or two of iced green tea, so it’s not as if I’m not getting any caffeine! And yet, I am still completely run-down. I mean, there has been a lot of excitement going on around here. We just signed a lease for our first house! I had a personal record run of 6.02 miles! I found out one of my best friends is preggers! But I’ve also been getting decent amounts of sleep. So who knows. I am still sticking with the point that I feel great while working out but awful when I’m not. But I can’t work out all day, not with a full time job and not with the life that we’ll be living over the next month or so between traveling and packing and moving and working!
Wednesday at 4:15PM I have a follow up appointment with my Rheumy. I am hoping and hoping and hoping that he tells me it’s ok to go back on Enbrel. The Nambumetone just doesn’t seem to cut it and I’ve been really sore these past few weeks.
For the first time though, I am scared that I may not be able to do it all.
Classes started today. The national workgroups that I’m leading at work start this week. Calculus still has to be completed. We need to pack up the apartment. We need to find a subletter. We need to move. I don’t know if I can do it all. I’m scared that I won’t finish Calc and I’ll get kicked out of Grad School. I’m scared that I’ll fall flat on my face while leading a workgroup. I’m scared that I’ll fall behind in class because I’ll be too tired to do the readings and take part in the discussions. I’m worried we won’t find a subletter. I’m worried we won’t have anyone to help us move. I’m stressed out and I feel like crap.
Somehow things will work out…